Very slowly climbing back up - but still have a long way to go... Its harder than I could have ever imagined. When I used to hear of people loosing their babies, I felt bad for them, but I had no idea to what extent they were hurting...
We had been planning for this baby a whole year...all our plans as a family, so excited to be having another little one, excited to be pregnant with my sister - we were 5 weeks apart..., watching my belly grow, having the boys talk to the baby, feeling the baby move...all this gone...
I still cry a lot, it still hurts, but I have come to realize that the pain will never completely go away, that I will always cry for the baby we lost, but human beings are strong, and we are able to learn to live with the pain - and keep on living...
I know our little angel will always be with us - and this helps...
Life catches up with you - or rather the boys catch up with me - they keep me alive - keep me moving forward...
I am better though - I'm able to smile and can start laughing again...but I so wish I still had my baby.
Though its all over - deep down, I really still can't believe it happend to me...
I'm really happy for my sister - but her pregnancy is going to be real hard for me. I've told her that if I cry when I see her - I don't want her to ever think that I'm mad at her or anything like that...but its because it reminds me of how fast life can change - how precious every moment is - and how I miss my angel...
We are preparing a new journey...the journey of starting over once again...a very exciting...and yet very scary thought...
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| Gabriell Godmer April 17th 2009 |
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